Chips and a Vending Machine
by FloofyFox
Summary: Hungry Raccoons, late night heists, chips, guards and a stupid vending machine. This night just got a whole lot interesting. I do not own Over the Hedge. COMPLETE!
1. The First Delivery

It was late at night, and RJ was hungry. Like, _really_ hungry. Hungrier than he had been before he had stolen from Vincent, probably hungry enough to agree for Vincent to eat him, _only_ if he got a snack out of it, though.

Ok, so that was a little exaggerated, no biggy? Ok, big biggy.

Either way the raccoon was hungry, and who could blame him that he didn't want to wake his family just to eat, and they barely had any food left. RJ made a mental note that they had to go on a heist sooner or later to stock up, since Verne would never end about winter coming, and disaster striking yadda yadda yadda.

So the raccoon made his way out of the log, taking a glance over his shoulder to make sure his family were still sleeping, so he could get away.

Then, after turning around and grabbing his golf bag, he made his way out of their home in a brief sprint on all fours, turning in the direction of Vincent's abandoned cave. Most creatures would think he was crazy making his way to where his arch-enemy lived, but Vincent was gone. And besides, it wasn't the cave where RJ was headed.

Quite the opposite really.

It was the vending machine.

The good ol' stupid vending machine.

The one that RJ wasn't going to quite give up on yet, and was determined to steal from. Besides, he had gotten something out of it once, right? Not the most adequate time, but it was still something, although he had hated getting it at that time.

But now, it was a symbol of hope. If it wasn't for that packet of chips, RJ wouldn't bother coming over to try again.

It was a little secret of his, but once a week he came over to try and get a little something from it. It had been his goal since Vincent had been transported to the Rockies, so the raccoon didn't have to worry about his safety, or being outwitted into bringing a grizzly bear his monthly food.

Nope, everything was perfectly safe for him, and RJ went over all of these thoughts until he arrived.

The Vending Machine.

It looked amazing in the shining moonlight, stocked with all those bits and pieces of food. At least to a raccoon, RJ mused, as he placed his bag down, rubbing his paws together in anticipation.

This time. This time, for sure.

And just like that the heist master dove into the serve slot, wriggling, trying to get in. He just managed, but just as he got his tail in, he heard voices. The raccoon froze, but didn't hear anything after.

Maybe he was just hearing things?

Yeah, that had to be it, RJ concluded as he reached his paw out of the slot, pawing at the handle of his bag, and then dragging it in with him. He quickly rummaged through it, and then after a couple of seconds brought out a spanner that he had found a couple of days ago on one of his lonesome mini heists. At the time he just thought it looked shiny, and since raccoons had a soft spot for shiny things, taken it in, but then RJ had realised it might come in handy, so he had put it in his bag.

RJ fingered the tool, spinning it around once or twice to get a good paw hold.

Then, he started unscrewing the roof of the slot, taking the screws out one by one. He would get some more chips, if it was the last thing he did. RJ knew he had to be careful, or else he would be electrocuted or buried in vending machine rubble and food, not that he would mind the latter.

So he carefully chucked the screw out, one by one, until he could gently yank the slot door away from the place where the food exited, pushing it out of the main door, creating a clank.

He was just about to climb up when the voices came back, a tad bit louder. The raccoon froze again, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips.

It better not be humans, that was all RJ knew. If it was, they would call the new verminator and he would be toast, especially in the position he was in, stuck in a vending machine and all.

Soon the voices were close enough for him to hear what they were saying, and the raccoon almost sighed in relief.

They were animals, so cross humans off the list. However, there was still the problem they could be dogs, or a cat that could hurt, or worse, kill him. He may have sharp teeth and sharp enough claws, but that wasn't enough if he had to go up against a Doberman, so RJ limited down his breathing to shallow breaths, and tried not to squirm.

The voices were now probably right next to the vending machine now, as he could hear the conversation.

"I thought I saw him go this way," came a hushed whisper.

"Are you sure?" an answer came.

"Yes I'm sure," the whisper came out in a huff.

"Cus I don't see him,"

"Maybe he went back to living on his own!"

"Don't think that, he wouldn't,"

RJ froze at this, if it was possible. Scratch anything that could kill him, these animals were worse. Way worse.

It was his family, and sure was he in for a heck of a lecture from Verne if they found him.

So he crouched even lower in the slot so they couldn't see the top of his head from outside. He could feel his heart beat grow as he heard some scuffle outside. RJ was thankful that he had grabbed his bag in with him instead of just taking the spanner.

1 He didn't want them to worry that he had been kidnapped or anything.

2 He didn't want to give any indication he was there.

Any indication, RJ soon realized, like the slot door resting out of the slot. Just great. He was dead, he and his charisma and snarky attitude. Goodbye to being able to go on mini heists, goodbye freedom to roam around the city on his own at night. Verne was going to kill everything, all of his rights to run wild.

Okay, again he was exaggerating.

But to be honest, RJ just wanted some time to himself. He was still getting used to being part of a family, and it got really clogged and he felt he didn't have any privacy.

Not that he didn't like being part of one, don't get him wrong, he sure did love it. It was just, his nature forbade him to stay put and grounded forever. He was a raccoon, and they needed their space to roam and be, well, _raccoons_.

"Hey look at this! It's a piece of the vending machine. What is this doing here? Do you think-"

"Yes I do think. RJ, come out now, we know your there,"

One word.

 _Busted._

So with a sigh, RJ poked his head through the door, as he dragged his bag behind him. His face met a very unimpressed Verne, along with Stella, Ozzie, Heather and Hammy. The porcupines must be at home looking after the kids, since they needed more sleep.

Plus, possums were naturally nocturnal, so it mustn't have bothered them as much as everyone else.

"H-hey guys, what's up? What are you, doing here," RJ mentally slapped himself for stuttering, cursing the fact that he was nervous for something so small, let alone in front of his family.

"What are you doing here?" Verne asked, cutting the chase and getting straight to the point.

"Ahhhhh, nothing?"

"That's not an answer, and you know it RJ,"

"Ok fine. I was hungry and I came over here to get something to eat. Can you blame a guy for getting hungry?" RJ said in defeat, as he put both his front paws up on the edge of the slot, placing his head on top of them in a nearly begging motion.

"No, RJ, I can't. But I can blame you for giving the family a heart attack, thinking you had decided to leave us!" Verne sighed, slightly agitated, making RJ's eyes widen slightly and his eyebrow to raise.

"You know I would never do that! I love being part of your family, I just, need some time to myself is all," the raccoon said, as the others listened to the two's conversation.

"Alright RJ, you win. Just, don't go off any more like that, ok?" Verne said, not wanting to continue arguing.

"You know it," RJ replied, smirking slightly.

"Let's just get going,"

"Hold on, I have to get something first," the raccoon said, ducking back under as his family looked at each other, then walked up to the door.

"RJ will you come out of there, we already have food!"

"Just a sec!" RJ replied, grabbing on to the bottom shelf of the vending machine. It thankfully held, as he yanked himself up onto it.

The raccoon looked out the window, giving a victorious smirk at Verne, who stood there with his arms crossed and a foot tapping impatiently at the floor. The others seemed quite impress, at least. RJ shook his head as his smile grew wider, glancing back up at the food that awaited him.

He licked his lips in anticipation, as he grabbed another shelf. It also held, as he pulled himself up, feet scrabbling to get a good hold.

RJ stayed there squatting a little, as he grabbed the nearest bag of chips. His stomach rumbled, as Verne sighed so loudly even RJ heard from inside the vending machine.

"Hush, you'll get your food don't worry," the raccoon reassured, patting his stomach lightly, "Hey Verne, sigh any louder you'll wake the town up!" he shouted through the door, chuckling in amusement as the turtle face palmed.

RJ then opened the bag of chips, scooping a handful of some and shoving them into his mouth, as he threw the rest down along with the bag, into his golf bag.

Bull's eye.

RJ kept on munching at the chips as he casually made his way to another bag of chips, this time cheese flavoured. He grabbed the bag, and then threw it over his shoulder, scoring another great goal into is open bag. The raccoon kept whistling as he kept throwing bags over his shoulders into his, as the others looked on.

A chocolate bar, some Maltesers, a packet of Twisties.

All going down to the door.

"Ya sure ya don't need any help, RJ?" Stella finally asked, as RJ posed to push off.

"Yup, I'm sure. You guys can grab hold of the loot down there if you want and make your way back home if you want, I'll follow," RJ cried over his shoulder, turning his attention back to the top shelf.

Just one more packet.

He jumped, grabbing at the edge of the shelf. Caught hold. And then fell, as it broke.

The shelf came crashing down onto the raccoon, as he gave a little gasp of surprise.

This, wasn't good.

"RJ, are you okay?!" came a voice, as RJ tried to pull out of the shelf which was tightly wedged between the ceiling and the bottom shelf. The voice most likely belonged to Verne.

"Uh, yeah, alive at least. Just, umm, a bit stuck?" he answered, yanking on the edge trying to pull himself out. Not working.

He still kept at it, though, but it proved fruitless. He was stuck. Tight.

"Don't worry, we'll get ya out!" most likely Stella said. There was a slight scuffle as RJ tried to move the shelf to un-jar it, but it was still stuck.

"Yeah, I'm not worried. Being stuck with food has its upsides," the raccoon replied back, as he grabbed a lonesome looking Twinkie that had fallen out of its box.

RJ licked is lips, uncovering the cake.

Maybe this wasn't so bad.

Wrong.

He started to hear extra voices arriving, and the sound of his family frantically hiding away. The voices were approaching the vending machine.

Oh, shoot, it was humans.

The last thing RJ needed.

And, the first thing he did was stuff the Twinkie in his mouth. No way was he going to give it up. It was his favourite snack, along with Spuddies. Probably even more.

"What the?! Fred, I don't remember the vending machine like this!" RJ froze, as he limited down his breathing yet again.

"No, I don't. What could- Bob, look at that. Looks like we got ourselves a little thief!" the voice- Fred, said, making RJ gulp.

Busted.

"Go get the cage and a tranq, just in case. I'll keep an' eye on him," Fred said, ushering his partner away from the raccoon. Bob obeyed, running off to their office or something, probably. RJ didn't care, though. He had to get out of there! Fred was advancing on the door, and RJ pushed himself even further into the little cave-like place, until his back brushed the wall.

"Here now, lil' fella. Come 'ere, we aren't gonna hurt ya. We're just gonna give you a nice home," he said, pushing a hand through the slot and fingering for RJ. The raccoon eyeballed him wearily, analysing what a 'nice home' could possibly mean.

Either way, it meant time away from his family, and possibly the zoo, which RJ was not going to have. So as the hand made its way closer, until it was right near the raccoon's snout, RJ narrowed his eyes, and then bit the hand.

A scream was heard from its owner, as it was yanked out of RJ's mouth, leaving the raccoon gagging, and sticking his tongue out.

No way was RJ ever going to bite a human's hand again. It was disgusting.

No more time was left, however, as Bob arrived carrying a cage in one hand, and a tranquilizer gun and dart in the other. This made RJ's tail puff out slightly, as his pelt bristled in fear. He hated cages, and no way was he going to get into one. But he also didn't want to get shot, as he wouldn't be able to see where he was going, limiting his choices of escaping.

RJ gulped again. He had already bitten Fred's hand; so off course they were going to shoot him. It wasn't safe any other way.

Stupid humans.

RJ started to shiver, as they started unscrewing the door off of the vending machine with a new spanned he hadn't seen Bob carry in his pocket.

A couple of squeaks later, and they were able to pry the screen off, gently placing it on the ground beside them.

RJ heard a gasp from underneath, which was probably where his family was hiding. Maybe it was Stella or Heather, maybe Ozzie? Who knew, and RJ was too focused on the humans to worry. He had to get away from the dart.

"Here lil' raccoon, come to papa," Bob said, as Fred un-jarred the shelf from RJ. Said raccoon was about to run, when a dart whistled through the air, hitting his shoulder.

Darn it!

The tranq had shoot him, and it was only a matter of time before he went unconscious. He had to, had to get, had to get awa-

RJ's thoughts became blurry, as the world started to turn black. He staggered around in the vending machine, nearly falling off of it, as a hand closed around his middle, pulling him off.

"It'll be alright, fella. You'll be fine,"

RJ suddenly didn't have the strength to fight, and as his eyes shut, he heard a cry from underneath the machine.

 _Hopefully they don't find them, too_ , was RJ's last thought as he drifted into unconscious.

* * *

RJ's family was in a frenzy. It had all happened so quickly they hadn't even had a chance to blink.

At some point they heard hissing, (probably RJ) and then a human scream (probably Bob) and then a clank as something (probably the vent door) fell down, and then the gang gasped. Very loudly. They watched as RJ was carried off by the strange men over to their office.

"RJ!" Hammy cried, and Verne was quick to put a hand to the squirrel's mouth. They watched on in misery as the office door closed, sealing their friend and the humans inside.

"Well this just got interesting,"


	2. Frying Pan into the Oven

RJ woke up to cold, hard ground. And you better believe him when he says that it is _not_ the best way to get up from being shot with a tranquilizer dart.

The raccoon groaned as he pushed himself up to look around. Just as he suspected, he was in the men's office. In a cage. RJ groaned again as he pushed himself on to his feet to go and inspect the door and lock. Hopefully it would be able to bust open so he could escape.

One look and RJ inwardly sighed.

It was a code lock.

You know, the ones that you had to insert the code and it came undone? Yeah, those. RJ called them code locks because he didn't know what they were really called, but don't tell that to the gang. It would make RJ look dumb. And that was never a good thing.

The raccoon decided to start fiddling with it, and resorted to sitting down on his haunches, with his paws out of the cage holes, fidgeting with the lock.

 _If only I had my bag_ , he thought, as he gingerly started to turn the numbers.

1, 1, 1. RJ tugged at it, but it didn't budge.

1, 1, 2. Invalid.

1, 1, 3. Invalid.

1, 1, 4. Invalid.

1, 1, 5. Invalid.

RJ sighed out loud in irritation. This was going to take forever! And naturally, he wasn't very patient to get out of his cage prison. He was tempted to smash the lock against the door, but that wouldn't do anything.

So he kept his calm and kept going. He had to get out of there after all, and losing your patience didn't get you out of these things, as RJ had learnt in the past.

His fingers were freezing off by the time he reached number 5, and dang he was tired.

 _Just, sleep, for a sec_ , he thought tiredly, yawning and rubbing his eyes. RJ looked out the window, and could nearly see the light of dawn. That was actually just his eyes playing tricks on him, because it had only been around fifteen minutes. The raccoon briefly wondered where his family were. Hopefully they would come to try and break him out, but it wasn't definite.

RJ's eyes sagged, as said raccoon wondered how he had gotten so tired so quickly. It could be that the aesthetic in the dart was taking over again, but what did he know? He hadn't gotten a scientist degree, and was far from it.

Another yawn, this one bigger than before. RJ was still sitting down, but suddenly there was a bang, and he was wide awake.

His head shot up to meet the sight of the guards from before trudging into the office, the light of the lampposts reflecting a silhouette on the wall. RJ growled slightly, catching Fred's attention. The human frowned deeply at the raccoon who was sitting at the door of the cage.

"Whatcha up to?" he asked, walking up to the captured mammal. Bob sighed behind Fred, as he tucked his hands in his pockets and started to stare around the place.

RJ just growled in reply, a little louder than last time, as he leaned down on to all four paws and backed away from the door. This just made Fred laugh, as he bent down and shoved his face into the cage door, making RJ tense.

"Come on, Fred, stop scaring the little critter. The animal control will arrive soon anyway, we bett'r not work 'im up beforehand," Bob said, just as Fred was about to poke RJ on the head.

"Mm, yeah I guess you're right. Dumb raccoon might not even know what's up for him," Fred teased, getting back up and walking over to his friend.

But, the two of them were very, very wrong when they thought RJ didn't know what they were talking about. He knew very well what animal control was, and what would happen to him if they took him away. Being a loner and a wanderer, he had had a few run-ins with them every now and again, always being able to escape before they cornered him. He had also watched as they had caught other unfortunate animals, and once watched as they had taken one to their strange building. The raccoon never saw that poor squirrel again.

So, when Bob had mentioned 'animal control', RJ's ears had immediately pricked, as he shrunk into himself, trying to appear smaller by instinct.

"We better do one last round of 'em grounds, then we can go," Bob finished, Fred nodding in agreement. RJ sniffed as Bob walked up to the cage, holding a finger to point at him.

"Now, no mischief ya hear? I ain't in no mood to chase after you, and I'm sure you don't want another one of 'em tranqs. Deal?" RJ shook his head, trying to get the message across. However, Bob thought he was just shaking his fur, so he took it as a yes. Nodding, he walked back up to his partner, getting ready to leave on their last patrol.

"Good raccoon. We'll be back, to hand you over to 'em animal control. See ya," Fred cried over his shoulder as he walked out the door. Bob pulled it shut, and RJ heard an audible click, telling him Bob had locked him inside the small office room.

The raccoon sighed, as he sat back down, trying to think of a way out. He absentmindedly stared out the window, trying to figure the code out. His tail tapped the cage floor quietly, as he thought and thought and thought, until he felt like he didn't have any hope of escaping. He shifted his position, to that he was staring at the door, trying to figure out how high it was, and if he had a chance if he tried to drag himself across the bench, along with the cage, and then launch at the handle. It was risky, but it was his only plan if he couldn't undo the lock. That, or he would try and unlock the window, and then drag him and the cage out of it, and then hope the drop wasn't too high so that he could survive.

RJ groaned, as he realized both options would involve him either getting mortally injured, or possibly even dead. He looked out the window once again, to see the moon had started sinking below the horizon, and the first tiny rays of the sun had shrunk slowly upward, staining the sky peach.

Then, he noticed a small, grey smudge on the side of the window, and saw that it seemed quite like a small mammal, something small and Hammy sized.

"Hammy!" the raccoon cried in recognition, standing up and running to the far right side of the cage, which was closest to the window sill.

"Oh, hey RJ, whatcha doing in that cage?" the squirrel cried out, as if he didn't remember any of the events that had just happened.

"Uh, long story. Look, do you know where the others are?" RJ replied hastily, not really wanting to waste time reminding Hammy about everything that had happened.

"Oh, they're just trying to find a way to break into this room, which I can't quite remember why, or the reason, but y'know, now that I found you, you can open the door and let everyone in to get whatever they wanted to get!" the squirrel bounced up and down at that proposition, making RJ wince.

"Uh, Hammy, I think _I'm_ the thing they need to get, since I'm, you know kind of trapped," the raccoon reasoned awkwardly, making Hammy perk.

"Ooooooh, rrrright! Now I remember why I'm up here! Verne told me to tell you that they are just thinking of a way to bust you out, and not to worry. And now that I think about it, I understand why you are in the cage, so no need to explain," he nodded, making RJ sigh. _How can he be this stupid at a time like this? I better warn him about the guards and animal control._

"Um, yeah Hammy, I need you to go back and tell Verne something," RJ called through the bars of the cage, "I need you to tell him that he better get a move on, since the guards have called animal control, and they are already coming,"

"Move, guards, animal cont-whatsit?" the squirrel asked confusedly, putting a finger to his chin.

"Yeah, umm -"

"Oooooh, ok, the guards are moving to throw the animals a big party! Yeah I'll tell him,"

"Wait, not that! Just tell him, to hurry up, because animal control his coming," RJ yelled at the squirrel, before Hammy could hop down.

"Ooooooooooooh. That makes more sense," Hammy nodded thoughtfully, then without another word, jumped down on to the grass below, and sprinted off in search of the gang. RJ sighed, sinking down in the cage as he waited for the arrival of the gang. He tapped the ground with his foot, staring around the room every now and again, suddenly slightly interested in what was inside it. He put his snout to the air, and took a small sniff. Suddenly, a small glint caught his eye, and as he looked over, he saw a box of spilt paper clips.

A glint came into his eyes as a plan started forming in RJ's mind. If only he could reach the paperclips…

The raccoon edged towards the box, and took a closer look. They weren't the average sized paper clips, more of the ones that were slightly larger, used to hold large amounts of paper between the arms. This must have made them quite strong, which only enhanced RJ's confidence in his plan.

He gingerly reached out a paw through the holes of the cage, hoping that he wouldn't get stuck. Thankfully, his paws were small enough. Or, the holes were big enough…

Either way, he was able to reach the clips, and pull the box towards it, scooping a decent amount of paperclips along the way. He sat down as he started at his work, connecting a paperclip to another, and bending the wire so it was successfully clipped on, preventing it from slipping. He continued this, for a long time, as the sun crept up, peeking over the hills. RJ kept going, until he had a fairly long paperclip rope, and when he felt it was a decent size, he undid one paperclip, and bent it into a kind of hook. He repeated this process with another paperclip, and then a third, then a fourth. The raccoon then attached these all together, to form a sort of miniature grappling hook.

RJ stared down, impressed at his handy work.

"Now all I have to do is- "he said to himself, cutting short as he stuck the grappling hook out of the cage.

The raccoon eyes the window sill, and then, when he locked in his target, started to swing the paperclips, around and around, until he let go, sending the rope flying through the air. RJ's eyes looked on with hope, when suddenly-

 _Clang!_

"Shoot!" RJ exclaimed. The paperclips caught on to the bars of the cage, sending the grappling hook to a halt. The grey mammal looked at it, frustrated. He quickly undid it from its place on the bar, and thought again.

"Maybe, I just need to get the whole rope out of the cage," he murmured, staring down at the glinting paperclips, as they seemed to say 'Yes, throw us outside and let us pull you to freedom,'. So he, placed two paws outside, one holding the grappling hook, the other to help pull the rope out of the cage. RJ set back to work, yanking the rope out of the cage hastily, as he realized the sun was nearly completely up.

 _Where are they, and what's taking them so long?_ RJ subconsciously thought, referring to his family. They really shouldn't be taking this long, and it had been a while since Hammy had left. He shook the thought off, knowing that if anything happened to them, he would have to get free himself to save them.

He tried swinging the rope again, once it was completely out of the cage. He swung it, always conscious of not letting it catch on to the top of the cage.

Then, he let go, allowing the grappling hook to go flying through the air once more, airborne. RJ held his breath, watching it go, as it soared, all the way over, over to the window sill.

And then-

 _Clang!_

It had caught on to the window sill, making RJ jump up in excitement. He gave the rope a good tug, and found it to hold firm. Suddenly, he started having doubts, doubts about how strong his homemade grappling hook actually was. He eyes the cage wearily, realizing it must be pretty darn heavy, and including him, the rope may not hold. _I should have doubled the paperclips._

"Oh well," the raccoon said to himself, looking back at the window. "I might as well give it a shot,"

So, he started to pull, and pull, slowly inching towards the window, and freedom. He kept yanking at the rope, hoping that it wouldn't break, and that the weakest link wouldn't give way, (considering there was always a weakest link in ropes).

He was finally within paw reach of the window sill, when he felt the paperclips starting to slowly come undone.

"Hold!" he whispered loudly to them, as he tried to make his way up a paper stack, in a kind of cliff-climbing manner. The stack was quite high, and that gave the paperclips even more weight to hold as gravity was against them. He huffed as he nearly lost his grip on the clips, hissing as a sharp edge of a paperclip cut into his paw. Maybe paperclip grappling hooks weren't the safest ropes to create…

"Nearly there…" he muttered, as he neared the top of the stack. You have to understand, it may not have been a high paper stack to us, but to RJ, who was pulling a cage _and_ himself up it, using only his own strength and a paperclip grappling hook, it must have been tough.

"Come on," he groaned, trying to reach one paw out to grab the edge of the stack, as he felt the paperclips begin to slip, and crack a little under the weight.

"Just, a little, more," RJ grunted, fingering for the edge. He, huffed, knowing he would need two paws to reach the edge. So he quickly hooked the other end of the rope onto the bars of the cage, wrapping it around hastily. He returned to trying to grab the edge, as the paperclips gave a groan.

And then, all too quickly-

 _Snap!_

The paperclips gave way, letting the cage topple back, sliding down the counter top.

"NO!" RJ gasped, as he tried to grab hold of something, _anything_ that might support him and the cage, before they were thrown over the edge of the bench-

 _Too late,_ was the raccoon's last thought, as his cage slid off of the bench top, crashing to the ground.

* * *

The Hedgies were having quite a hard time getting to their captured friend. It did seem like fate was against them, as they ran around outside, trying to get away from the guards who had just returned from their patrol.

"Everyone stay calm!" Verne tried to yell over the screaming of everyone. But no one was listening.

Heather just managed to jump out of the way of a grabbing hand, which issued a curse from Bob. Ozzie quickly grabbed his daughter by the hand, yanking her underneath the broken vending machine, just out of reach of Fred. However, Fred wasn't looking for the opossums, as he advanced on Hammy, who was trying to find a way out of the corner in which he was, well, cornered.

"Hang on Hammy!" A voice cut of Verne's, and he turned around to see Stella stalking up to Fred.

"Alright human, I'm gonna give you exactly five seconds to step _away_ from the squirrel!" she yelled up at Fred, making the human turn around. His pupils dilated, as he saw Stella.

"One!" Fred, backed away, making Stella smirk as she approached.

"Two!" she backed the human against a wall, as Hammy hurriedly hid behind Verne.

"Three!"

"Fred, you might want to get out of there!" Bob shouted at his partner, completely forgetting about the animals, as Stella turned around and stuck her tail in the air.

"Five!" the skunk yelled, skipping four entirely as she released a bomb of _really_ bad smelling gas.

"Yuck!" Fred gagged, holding his throat tightly as he was covered with the green air. "Run away!"

"Already ahead of ya!" Bob yelled over his shoulder, heading for the van. Fred raced after him, still coughing into his fist as he waved the other arm, trying to get rid of the cloud surrounding him.

"Alright Stella!" Heather cried happily, as she and her dad made their way out from the safety of the vending machine.

"Yeah, great job Stella!" Hammy said happily, bouncing on the spot.

"It was nothin'," she replied in embarrassment, suddenly remembering their friend. "And, we need to remember _why_ we are here. RJ is still trapped in there, and from what Hammy said, the animal control should be here any minute. Let's go!"

* * *

"Arg," RJ groaned, rubbing his head with his paw gingerly, trying to see if there was any blood from the crash. Fortunately, there wasn't. Unfortunately, the cage was smashed, right on the door, bending the bars in all sorts of ways, making it nearly impossible to open. RJ just hoped it _was_ possible.

"Greeeeat. I'm even more stuck than I was before," he sighed, trying to make the door budge open.

It didn't.

Of course it didn't.

"Weeeeeell, if that doesn't work, then how about…"RJ started to finger the bent wires, hoping to be able to bend them open now that they had already been bent, making them weaker. He heaved at them, leaning back hoping his momentum would help the bars to move, but to no avail. He grunted and groaned, as the best the raccoon could manage was a small opening that only the porcupine triplets could fit into, but not him. Still, RJ tried to stick his head through, only managing to give himself a headache as he yanked his head back out.

"Urggg!" He moaned, putting a paw to his head. A sticky substance met his hand, making RJ pause. He brought his paw back down, to be met with the sight of blood. Okay, so maybe he _hadn't_ escaped without a scrape.

There wasn't a large amount of blood, it was just a small cut. Thankfully, or else his family would freak out. Not like they weren't already freaked out enough as it was… RJ continued at his efforts of opening the bars to the cage, but it would not budge. So, he sat there, trying to come up with another plan. However, all his plans ended with needing either someone else to help him, or a hammer. Sometimes both.

The raccoon sighed, tapping the bent bars irritably.

"Come on, _think_ RJ! You need to get out! This isn't the cosiest home," he vented his frustration on the bars, pounding the with his hind legs. They just didn't want to oblige in moving, however, and resulted in RJ having sore feet.

The raccoon proceeded to try and barge through the bars, stepping back and then running into the door, shoulder first, slamming into it again and again as his patience quickly seeped away. It was no good.

"Arrrrg!" he slammed into the door one last time, with a mighty push off the opposing wall.

He hit the bars hard, so hard he felt like he broke his shoulder. RJ seethed in pain, gripping his shoulder as he sunk down onto the floor, leaning against the damaged door. _Stupid cage!_ His conscious cried, as his head and shoulder throbbed from the onslaught of his continuous escape plans.

"RJ? RJ!" At first the raccoon thought his mind was playing tricks on him, but after a third call of his name, he opened his eyes. RJ turned his head over his injured shoulder, to see the foggy figures of animals stepping through a now opened door.

Blinking, he cried "Who's there?"

"RJ it's us!" the voice cried, as a red blur zipped towards the encage animal.

"…Hammy?"

"You're alright! I think," the red squirrel yelled in glee, trying to hug his friend through the cage.

"Yeah, I guess," RJ chuckled, touching Hammy's shoulder through the cage.

"RJ!" the others came up, not being able to reach Hammy's supersonic speed. "What happened?"

"Eh, it's a _long_ story," the raccoon grinned, just happy at the concept that he had help. He soaked the feeling in, as the others gathered around the cage.

"It _looks_ like a long story," Verne stated, taking in RJ's state, from the cut on his forehead, the shoulder he was still gripping lightly, to the bashed cage. "A long story for later. Right now, we have to get you out,"

"Yeah, but like, how?" Heather asked in uncertainty, voicing everyone's hidden fear.

"We can't get him out before the humans come back!" Ozzie yelped, creating chaos.

"They'll capture _all_ of us!"

"What if no one escapes alive!?"

"We won't be able to say what happened!"

"Can we just-?"

"WE WON'T LIVE THROUGH THIS!"

"SCARY CLOWN!"

"Just-"

"They'll be on us before we can ru-"

"There's no way-!"

"JUST STOP!" RJ cried, having enough of the panic Ozzie had initiated. "I _do_ have a plan. I couldn't do it before you all came, but I think it might just work. We just need to co-operate, okay? Okay," the raccoon sighed, standing up in his cage.

"What is it?" Verne questioned, thankful had the situation under control after his failed attempts at breaking the commotion up.

"I need some sort of tool, like a hammer or-"

"A spanner! The spanner yo had in the vending machine!" Stella broke in, making RJ's face light up.

"Yes! Hamsquad, could you go and get that for me?"

"Sure thing RJ!" the squirrel saluted, speeding off back to the vending machine.

"Verne, can you and everyone else try and get this cage away from the bench? I feel like something is going to fall off of it after the cage fell,"

"The cage _what_?" the turtle shrieked slightly, as RJ squirmed uncomfortably.

"Like I said, long story. Can we please just continue?"

"Alright,"

* * *

It took Hammy a while to retrieve the spanner, considering that he started to chase a butterfly, and then when he lost the creature, he couldn't remember what he was supposed to be doing. It took some time wandering around, when he came across the vending machine, and saw the spanner glistening inside the slot.

"OooOoooOo, shiny! I'll keep it!" he had murmured, and took the spanner, walking back in the direction he had come.

"Hey look everyone, I found a shiny thing! Can I keep it Verne, can I? Hammy pleaded, walking back into the office where everyone was anxiously waiting for his arrival. They had just been debating whether to go out and search for their family member when Hammy popped back in.

"Finally!" Verne sighed in relief, taking the shiny from Hammy and walking back to the cage, not without Hammy's indignant squeak of 'My shiny!'.

"Here,"

"Thanks," RJ quickly took the tool from the turtle's outstretched hands, and started to bend the wires, by bending the spanner against them, prying the cage wires apart. He kept on doing so, until the door was _just_ big enough for him to squeeze out of.

"Thank goodness," Ozzie and Stella sighed at the same time.

"Now, we better get out of here," the raccoon stated, rushing over towards the door.

"Agreed," Verne said, ushering their family to follow. RJ raced outside of the office, grateful as the sun coated his face and the warm summer air brushed his fur. It was good to be free once again.

"RJ, where are you going?" Hammy asked, as the raccoon raced towards the vending machine.

"Just getting my bag," he cried over his shoulder, skidding to a halting front of the machine. He hastily reached a paw inside, grabbing the strap of his beloved blue golf bag. _Gotcha!_ RJ thought to himself, pulling the bag to his chest possessively. He quickly looped the strap around and over his head, when he suddenly heard a cry of warning and surprise.

He whipped his head around to see Heather squirming in Bob's grip, and just rolled out of the way as Fred pounced.

Heart beating, RJ looked back up to see the human regain his balance. The raccoon looked back at Heather who was trying unsuccessfully to gnaw at Bob's hand, Ozzie trying to scramble up the human's legs. Verne looked on, huddled in his shell, hiding Hammy from view, as Stella made her way to try and distract Fred. She succeeded in backing the human into the vending machine, once again having the power thanks to her stench.

"Hang on Heather, I'm coming!" RJ yelled, as Bob kicked Ozzie to the side. RJ bit his lip, as he quickly approached behind the night guard, trying to think of a plan.

 _Come on RJ, this is your fault. You have to do something, you're the one who wanted a midnight snack and now you get the punishment for your selfishness!_ He told himself, leaping onto the human's back. He gripped onto Bob's shoulders, successfully distracting the human's focus on the possums. But he didn't stop there, as he bit the guard right on the ear, receiving a piercing scream. RJ may have small teeth, but raccoon teeth were sharp. Deadly sharp. _Maybe he gets rabies from my bite?_ RJ thought hysterically to himself, as he scurried over Bob's shoulder, and then bit his wrist, effectively allowing Heather to slip out, into her dad's awaiting arms.

"Let's go!" RJ yelled above the din, letting Stella know to leave her post. The skunk obliged, as Verne quickly led Hammy and the opossums away. RJ sprinted after them on all fours, leaving the guards behind swearing profusely, making the raccoon chuckle slight.

"Are you alright kiddo?" RJ panted in question, once they reached the safety of the hedge.

Heather managed a weak nod, leaning against her father for support, knees shaking slightly. To be honest, RJ found the concept of collapsing there on the spot very welcoming, but that was soon to come. Right now, he needed to make sure his family was alright.

"Hammy, Ozzie, Stella, Verne, you all okay?" he asked, receiving more tired nods, as everyone sat promptly on the grass. It was now the middle of the day, and the sun shone strongly over their heads.

"In that case, I would like to say thanks for saving my sorry hide from there. I really deserved to rot in that cage," the raccoon apologised (in a way) fiddling with the strap of his golf bag.

"No problem, that's what family's for," Stella was the first to say.

"Yeah, and you better get used to it, with all your problems," Verne joked, making everyone laugh.

It was good to be this carefree again, after all the events of the night. RJ sighed in relief, thankful that his family wasn't going to kick him out, or anything extreme.

"Welp, I want my shiny thing back," Hammy said firmly, as if nothing but him finding the spanner had happened. Everyone looked at him in dismay, and then once looking at each other, burst out laughing, rolling all over on the ground. Poor Hammy didn't know what he did, and continued to whine for his shiny thing, just causing more commotion between the laughing hedgies. It was a pleasant way to end the heist.

"Here ya go Hamsquad," RJ eventually said, throwing his spanner over to the squirrel, who continued to smother it with nuzzles.

"I think we need to go and tend to that cut though, RJ," Verne said gently, after everyone had walked back to the log to inform an anxious porcupine family and cat that they had arrived.

"Yeah," RJ grinned back at him.

"And RJ,"

"Hmm?"

"No more vending machine,"

"Okay mildude, ok,"


End file.
